“We saw an opportunity and took it”, boasted Remy. “Look, the Iranians fired on the HMS Bounty, it was listing to port and we weren’t about to let it sink”. The Bounty was trying to navigate the dangerous Straits of Hormuz loaded with nearly 1 million barrels of crude oil from Qatar.
Lady Mary Crawley, heiress to the Downton Abbey, was found unarousable in her bed by this morning and was rushed to nearby Downton Cottage Hospital. There she remains clinging to life and surrounded by by her second husband Henry Talbot and her recent suitor, the ravishing film maker, Jack Barber. Evelyn Napier, Tony Gillingham, Charles Blake, Matthew Crawley, Kemal Pamuk and Richard Carlisle were unable to attend.
OpenAI released picures today showing off its new, always on, interactive AI device. Designed by IO, Jony Ive’s startup that OpenAI acquired last month, the devices features two large, Ferengi-like ear pieces, a thick across the forehead optical scanner and in ear speakers. On stage at OpenAI’s DevDay, Sam Altman debuted the device. Called Quark, it weighs a surprisingly small 680 grams with a projected battery life of 8 hours. It is expected to cost around $4,000 at launch and comes with a one year subscription to ChatGPT5.
Hurricane Milton, a category 5 storm that struck central Florida in October of 2024, sued the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration today in Federal Court for damages that resulted from misgendering. “They knew I was a guy and they still called me a Hurricane. It was devastating. I was traumatized. I was so hurt I couldn’t even speak for the whole week I was in Florida. I didn’t know what to say to my friends and family” said Milton. NOAA administrator Grimm said “You just can’t be naming a hurricane with a guy’s name and then calling it a ‘hurricane’. It’s stupid and it makes us look bad.”
Miss Havisham, the enigmatic figure from Satis House, is stepping back into the spotlight with the grand opening of her men’s haberdashery on Main Street in Pirates Bay, CA! After years of seclusion, she made a stunning appearance at a press conference, donning a breathtaking Victorian wedding dress. Accompanied by her adopted daughter Estella, Miss Havisham declared, “It’s time I got over my funk and re-entered the world.”
Never let it be said that Warren Buffett doesn’t recognize a business opportunity when he sees one. Today, the Buffett owned See’s Candies announced that it has inked a transformational deal with the Eli Lilly to sell the much sought after GLP-1 weight loss drugs in their candy stores on a trial basis. This will be the first of a series of innovations aimed at turning See’s Candies into a healthy habit.