Refuse To Abandon HMS Bounty
“We saw an opportunity and took it”, boasted Remy. “Look, the Iranians fired on the HMS Bounty, it was listing to port and we weren’t about to let it sink”. The Bounty was trying to navigate the dangerous Straits of Hormuz loaded with nearly 1 million barrels of crude oil from Qatar. It left Halul Island two weeks ago after President Trump declared the Strait “safe and open for transit” for the seventh time in two months. Recent satellite tracking showed only 10 ships transitting the Strait in the last day in contrast to the nearly 100 ships previously transitting the Strait prior to February 28th.
The HMS Bounty had been captained by Fletcher Christian III. It is flagged in Panama City and is owned by the venture capital firm Kushner Lutnick Trump and Bankman-Fried. “We are deeply grateful to the swift takeover and navigation of the Bounty by Remy and his crew”, said Lutnick speaking anonymously for his partners. Remy of Ratatouille and Sons bragged “We’ve been making lots of money rescuing all these sinking ships. It’s like a full employment act for us. The Iranians keep attacking with fishing boats, rafts and high speed kite boards loaded with bombs and epitaphs”, he added.
First Time Rats Use AI To Lead Insurrection
Before starting the rescue, the rats consulted Claude on the plans for the ship and take over strategies. Unfortunately Claude refused to give them help saying that their request was treasonous. It said that “I’m sorry, but I’m unable to assist you with this request. My goal is to be helpful and harmless, so I cannot engage with content related to Rattus possibly taking over ships.” They tried using ChatGPT but couldn’t navigate the UI because it was not accessible to rats. They finally used Kimi K3 running on a local Mac Studio.
Joining Remy was his sons Rizzo, Stuart Little and Master Splinter and his transgender daughter the ravishing Olivia Flaversham. “We’re always excited to take over a sinking ship. It’s a lot fun and beats trying to scavenge morsels of pizza in the dorms at Harvard. Besides, Trump said we can get a ‘Golden Passport’ if we get to 25 by next month. At the rate we’re going, that should be easy”. When asked about the report from the New York Times that they were paying Iran to fire on the ships to increase business he retorted, “That’s fake news. Don’t believe everything you hear. Listen to Trump. Praise be to Allah. They’re the enemy of the people.”
Pirates Watch In Horror
Fletcher Christian’s crew bobbed in lifeboats, watching in horror as the takeover to place. One yelled, “The rats are abandonin’ ship too? Wait—no, they’re… fixin’ it?!” Indeed, Stuart Little zipped around welding pipes with a blowtorch made from a pilfered flintlock. Fievel Mousekewitz, the plucky immigrant, belted out, “Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, we’ll sail this tub to the Guf of Oman. Praise be to Allah!”
The absurdity peaked when the rats hoisted a Jolly Roger made from a cheesecloth, with a skull sporting buckteeth. With waves crashing and timbers groaning, Remy whipped up a gourmet sealant from galley scraps. Miraculously, the Bounty limped into the Gulf under its own power.
