Rats Takeover Sinking Ship
“We saw an opportunity and took it”, boasted Remy. “Look, the Iranians fired on the HMS Bounty, it was listing to port and we weren’t about to let it sink”. The Bounty was trying to navigate the dangerous Straits of Hormuz loaded with nearly 1 million barrels of crude oil from Qatar.
Trump Completes Transition. Denies Use of Puberty Blockers
In a surprising turn of events, President-elect Donald Trump has embarked on a highly publicized transition, led by former wrestler Linda McMahon and businessman Howard Lutnick. Eschewing traditional medical guidance, Trump emphasizes his unique approach, stating, “What they lack in knowledge, they make up for in effort.” As he navigates his transition, he firmly denies any use puberty blockers, asserting, “I’m in great shape. I’ve got the body of a 14-year-old.” With bold claims and a promise to “turn it around,” Trump’s transition raises questions.
Trump Will Contest Election
In a stunning defeat for former Vice-President Kamala Harris, Donald Trump won the sixth-grade US presidential election at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in Pirates Bay CA. Trump immediately contested his election victory.
McDonald’s Fires Trump After Linking Him to E.Coli Outbreak
McDonald’s fired President Donald Trump today after linking him to a 14-state outbreak of E.coli. Trump vowed to sue to get his job back.
Wars Ends. Ukraine to Get Participation Trophy
US ambassador to the UN, Linda Thomas-Greenfield, President of the United Nations Security Council, announced the end of the Russian Ukrainian war today. “We’ve reviewed the situation and have discussed the situation at length with the parties involved and we have decided that the war is over.”