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See's Candies Inks Deal with Lilly to Sell GLP-1s

See’s Candies Inks Monumental Deal with Lilly to Sell Weight Loss Drugs in Stores

Never let it be said that Warren Buffett doesn’t recognize a business opportunity when he sees one. Today, Buffett owned See’s Candies announced that it has inked a transformational deal with the Eli Lilly to sell the much sought after GLP-1 weight loss drugs in their candy stores on a trial basis.

“I was getting fat eating all my favorite See’s candies,” said the 94-year-old Chairperson of Berkshire Hathaway.”
“My BMI (body mass index) was up to 32 and my doctor told me that if I wanted to outlast Charlie and see 100 years of age, I’d better lose some weight,” he added.

“I tried Charlie’s diet of donuts, peanut brittle, and Diet Coke, and I avoided exercise as best I could, but my weight just kept going up. So, I substituted English Toffee for the peanut brittle but that didn’t help. Finally, I tried adding in some Dark Scotchmallows but that made it worse. My doctor said I was going to die prematurely. Here I was, 94-years-old, and I wasn’t going to see 95,” continued Buffett.

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Google Accepts Second Satirical News Site for the First Time

Reviewers at Google revealed they do understand humor, parody and satire when they reluctantly agreed to place ads on the Pirates Bay Courier website (piratesbaycourier.com). Previously, the humorless behemoth had deemed the website way “too funny and enjoyable” for humans and expressed concern that placing ads on the website might lead readers to laugh out loud.

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Trump Wins

Trump Will Contest Election

In a stunning defeat for former Vice-President Kamala Harris, Donald Trump won the sixth-grade US presidential election at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in Pirates Bay CA. Trump immediately contested his election victory.

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Diablo Power plant chimneys with steam. Energy industry

Man Finally Finds Job

John Franklin reported today that he has been hired as first openly trans CEO and Chairman of Diablo Power, the number one nuclear energy power company in the US. Mr. Franklin previously worked as a greeter at the Walmart in Goleta, CA.

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