Pirates Bay, CA (PBC) John Franklin reported today that he has been hired as CEO and Chairman of Diablo Power, the number one nuclear energy power company in the US. Mr. Franklin previously worked as a greeter at the Walmart in Goleta, CA. He has also held positions at JC Penny’s rising from stock boy to cashier before leaving for Lowe’s where he was the night watchman. The selection raised concerns with Nuclear Energy Regulatory Commission. “We don’t believe he has the requisite skills for the job but if that’s what Diablo wants to do, they can do it,” said John Templeton of the NERC. Diablo’s stock (DEVL) was down 5% on the news.

Diablo Power Says Choice is a Perfect Fit

“We’re pleased to announce that John Franklin has been selected as the next Chairman and CEO of Diablo Power. A long-time resident of Pirates Bay, John has risen steadily up the ranks of lower management showing leadership and industry taking on positions of increasing responsibility. He was most recently a greeter at Walmart,” he said. Stapleton is the father of twin boys he adopted 8 years ago. They attend Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in Pirates Bay. “We don’t think you need any knowledge of nuclear physics or the energy complex to run this company. The reactors are on autopilot and don’t really need monitoring or supervision. Heck, we sometimes go days without checking them. It’s completely safe. We think NERC’s concerns are overblown and a reflection of systematic bias,” he added. Mr. Stapleton will be the first openly trans CEO in the nuclear energy field.