In a stunning defeat for former Vice-President Kamala Harris, Donald Trump won the sixth-grade US presidential election at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in Pirates Bay, California. According to exit polls and confirmed by reports from Katherine Antleberry, class president, Trump won decisively 16-12. There were no abstentions. Polling is complete and the election is expected to be certified by the nuns later this month.
Closer Election Was Expected
“We had expected a much closer vote”, said Antleberry. “Polling had showed the contest to be a near dead heat but after that last assignation attempt, things swung Trump’s way”, she added. “Also, we thought there might be some shifting in the electorate after the recent Iowa Basic Skills tests that the sixth graders took last month. “But we didn’t see any evidence of that”.
Trump Encourages Gun Training After Recent Assassination Misses
One possibility effecting the outcome may have been Trump’s recent call for improved gun training. “People are going around shooting guns off all over the place,” said Trump. “We can’t have that stuff going on. People have tried to shoot me twice for God’s sake. Thank God, they missed. I mean I’m all for guns. In fact, I think everyone should have a gun. And they should fire them regularly. But they have to learn how to aim it. Otherwise, it gives gun owners a bad rap. People can get hurt by guns if they don’t know how to use them,” he said.
Sixth Grade Election Accurately Predicts National Election Outcome
Our Lady of Perpetual Motion’s sixth-grade election has correctly predicted presidential elections dating back to 1968. Sister Vivian of the Religious of the Sacred Vows and temporary principal at Our Lady pointed out that the class elections predicted wins by Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and even Ronald Reagan. “We missed on President Clinton but that was when Sister Mary Immaculate had her baby and things were a little mixed up then,” she said.
