Happy young black couple hugging and laughing outdoors

Hallmark Channel Discovers Black People

Pirates Bay CA (PBC) “Well, we didn’t really discover black people. I mean, not black, black, more like folks who are brownish or mahogany in color. We always knew they were around. We just didn’t use them in our signature Hallmark movies other than as extras or the help,” said Mike Perry, CEO and Chairman of Hallmark, Inc. “Now, we’re going to start using them in key roles. Someday, we may even feature them in leading roles. We’re starting slow but we’re getting started. We’re changing with the times. As they say, everything’s up to date in Kansas City.” Kansas City is the headquarters of Hallmark where you can see their new, diverse leadership in action.

Donald J. Hall, Jr. (pictured at right) serves as executive chairman and his brother, David E. Hall, serves as executive vice chairman, on the board of directors for Hallmark Cards, Inc.

Hallmark First Considered a Separate Channel for Black Actors

“We didn’t want to scare off our prime demographic, white, wine drinking divorced women, by featuring them for years. We considered starting a separate channel, something like BET. We were going to call it the Magnolia Channel but then we found out that Joana Gaines already had that. We even considered the Mahogany Channel but that was taken. So, we thought we’d start slow, introduce some colored folks here or there. We’re still not going whole out. I mean we’re not going to have Asians or Mexicans or anything like that. That would be too much for our audience,” said Perry.

Lady Mary Rushed to Downton Cottage Hospital. Near Death As Public Waits News

Lady Mary Crawley, heiress to the Downton Abbey, was found unarousable in her bed by this morning and was rushed to nearby Downton Cottage Hospital. There she remains clinging to life and surrounded by by her second husband Henry Talbot and her recent suitor, the ravishing film maker, Jack Barber. Evelyn Napier, Tony Gillingham, Charles Blake, Matthew Crawley, Kemal Pamuk and Richard Carlisle were unable to attend.

OpenAI unveils “Quark” – a wild new AI device designed by Jony Ive! The Always On AI Device ‘Hears’ and ‘Sees’ Your World.

OpenAI released picures today showing off its new, always on, interactive AI device. Designed by IO, Jony Ive’s startup that OpenAI acquired last month, the devices features two large, Ferengi-like ear pieces, a thick across the forehead optical scanner and in ear speakers. On stage at OpenAI’s DevDay, Sam Altman debuted the device. Called Quark, it weighs a surprisingly small 680 grams with a projected battery life of 8 hours. It is expected to cost around $4,000 at launch and comes with a one year subscription to ChatGPT5.

Rats Takeover Sinking Ship

Head rats Rizzo, Remy and Olivia Flaversham took over the floundering schooner HMS Bounty in the Indian Ocean after the crew mutinied and threw overboard Christian Fletcher. This is the first report of rats taking over a sinking ship.

Hurricane Milton Sues NOAA For Misgendering Him

Hurricane Milton, a category 5 storm that struck central Florida in October of 2024, sued the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration today in Federal Court for damages that resulted from misgendering. “They knew I was a guy and they still called me a Hurricane. It was devastating. I was traumatized. I was so hurt I couldn’t even speak for the whole week I was in Florida. I didn’t know what to say to my friends and family” said Milton. NOAA administrator Grimm said “You just can’t be naming a hurricane with a guy’s name and then calling it a ‘hurricane’. It’s stupid and it makes us look bad.”