Pirates Bay, CA (PBC) Research scientists at the High Science Institute of Technology reported today that they have discovered a new, small alcohol molecule they call Unfastenol that may hold the clue to why women’s clothing falls off after drinking tequila. The article appears in the most recent issue of the Journal of Irreproducible Science.
Drinking Tequila is Different from Other Liquors
Ever since the Spanish Conquistadors first encountered the sweet pulque from the agave plant, consumers noticed it was different. The Aztec’s and Olmecs first used pulque in religious rituals but noticed that they had difficulty keeping their clothes on. This effect was especially common in women. Bright jewelry was used to cover strategic areas of the body as it appeared that only clothing was affected. The Spaniards introduced distillation to the native populations greatly enhancing its effects. But the introduction of Jello shots in the ’80’s seems to have supercharged the effect. Now we appear to know why.
Unfastenol Dissolves Clothing Fasteners
Scientists say that unfastenol actually dissolves buttons, zippers, clasps, hooks and other type of metal closure devices. “When we put unfastenol on metal, it just dissolves,” says Gertude Featherclunk, chief scientist and lead author of the study. “We just don’t see this with other alcohols or liquors. Vodka, whiskey, gin, none of them do it. It’s unique to Tequila,” she said. Unfastenol structurally looks like a mix of ethanol and cocaine. “Perhaps that’s it’s secret. Now we’re trying to find out why it seems to affect women’s clothing most,” she added.
“We’re still trying to figure out how it gets to the skin and then onto the clothes. We have our theories but nothing concrete just yet. We think it might be related to dancing or grinding but we’re not sure”, said Dr. Featherclunk.
